


tactical flirting

by punkyamaguchi



Category: Haikyuu!!, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossover, Family Dynamics, No Angst, Platonically Married Ranboo and Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sleepy Bois Inc Fluff, Twins Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, War, its part of the story line trust me, managers niki and puffy, maybe?.., sbi, thats going to cause a lot of confusion LOL, theres so many characters, yes in a volleyball fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkyamaguchi/pseuds/punkyamaguchi
Summary: Inspired by Ranboo’s stream where he talked about his experiences in volleyballStream: [DOING COOL THINGS!]Timestamp: [starting 3:04:12]
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 149





	1. the 6'6 guy

**Author's Note:**

> ranboo said he would flirt with the opposing team to throw them off and brain went ‘ah yes battle of the wink on the court’ so now here's this  
> (this isnt a ship fic cuz that's fockin weird m8 ://, 3d man vs 2d man battle of the dimensions mmmm shapes!! geometry!!) 
> 
> this is gonna be set in a haikyuu environment so that means the minecraft men will be in japan and all that cool stuff. 
> 
> (i know this isn't like age correct but whatever bite me)  
> Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Niki: First years  
> Dream, Sapnap, Wilbur, Techno, Quackity, Karl: Second years  
> George, Puffy, Foolish: Third years  
> Philza: Coach?? LOL  
> Sam: teacher advisor ?? like takeda ig
> 
> it was supposed to be like a one shot but i got excited so now here we are sorry :(

Training camp was always eventful but this one for sure would be the craziest of them, especially with new schools joining them. Currently, Nekoma, Fukurodani and Karasuno were there, you know? The usual 

Now here's the weird part. Seijoh would be joining them. Yup that's right Aoba Johsai in all their glory.

Wanna hear something weirder? Yes you do

DSMP would also be joining. 

Hinata was the most excited, he wasn't sure if it was because he would be playing against Oikawa or if it was because of the rumors of a 6’6 kid joining them. Probably both, his shaking of anticipation had doubled when he heard that and he had ran off to the bathroom holding his stomach. No one has seen him in 30 minutes.

Kuroo and Daichi were talking on the side about the new school they had only recently heard about. DSMP was a private school, there were very very few students and it was not a safe place for those with soft hearts. Daichi had heard Nishinoya and Tanaka talk about the school’s war updates and death counts.. that enough was a huge red flag for him, apparently most of them were also freakishly tall so yes don't blame him for expecting to see criminals walk in with handcuffs on their hands and threatening glares.

What he did NOT expect was for a bunch of guys with BRIGHT neon green uniforms to walk in. The one in the front had a white facemask that was so high up his nose it almost covered his eyes (it didn't, you could see his green eyes.) On his left was a guy with pink hair in a braid and on his right was a similar looking guy except this one had short brown curly hair and a beanie. You could see others behind them and more walking towards the gym, but these being the tallest and the ones at the front, they stood out the most.

Kageyama looked at them, trying to study what they could possibly play like but all he could think about was how similar the three were to Sakusa and the Miya twins.

The gym was dead silent except for the sound of shoes squeaking on the floor as more people walked in. The way the three in the front looked at them was kind of intimidating and Hinata would have probably burst out crying if it wasn't for the sudden yells coming from outside.

“TOMMY GIVE ME MICHAEL BACK” 

“NEVER!! BITCH!” The guy who was probably Tommy ran inside, hiding in front of the guy with the beanie. He was blonde, had blue eyes and a little pig plush in his hand, he was holding on to it as if his life depended on it.

Behind him ran inside a short kid with a bit of darker blue eyes and brown hair, and behind HIM ran the infamous 6’6 guy everyone was talking about. He had dirty blonde hair, was also wearing a mask which was half black half white, and had glasses that basically covered his facial features but you could tell he was angry from the threatening aura he had around him.

Again the whole gym was dead silent as they watched the events unfold and that's crazy because currently four schools were inside ONE gym and yet these kids managed to catch everyone's attention. Honestly nobody would be surprised if someone just pulled popcorn out from somewhere.

“Tommy give me back my son” 6 '6 guy was slowly approaching Tommy as if he was a wild animal who would run away. Honestly, first impressions, he would.

“Yeah Tommy you heard my husband, give me back our kid”

Now everyone was confused, husband?? Kid?? Who were these people and where can one enroll into their school?

“Wait what do you mean husband?” The guy with the pink hair grabbed 6’6 guy by the back of the shirt as he was running across him to get to Tommy. 

“Well, techno you see, taxes these days you know? And well child support?” 6’6 guy seemed to shrink under pink hair’s gaze, he was looking down at pink braid’s feet and he would've looked as if he was having a normal conversation with him if it wasn't for his one hand rubbing his nape and the other uselessly reaching behind him trying to grab onto Tommy who hid deeper into beanie’s side

“Yeah get fucked enderboy that's what you dese-AHH '' Tommy began yelling out and then he suddenly had the other guy, 6 '6 guy’s husband….? On his back, trying to reach for the little plush

“We’ll talk about this later Techno, I have to save my child or I will single handedly start another war” 6 '6 guy had his murderous aura back and was about to launch himself towards Tommy when another guy grabbed him by the back of the shirt and stopped him. “Aw come on you guys are going to stretch my uniform”

“Alright thats it, Tommy, give back Ranboo and Tubbo their child, Ranboo don’t threaten anyone in front of strangers, Tubbo please get off of Tommy and guys, calm down, you just caused a scene in front of 3 schools in the area” The guy holding 6’6, or Ranboo, had green hair and black tinted glasses on, he wasn't wearing a uniform but his attire was still green, just not as horrible to look at.

“No you're fine that was better than the movie we watched last night in club meeting” Nishinoya nodded eagerly as Sugawara put a hand over his heart and had an offended look on his face.

“I'm so sorry for the children, Im Sam, teacher advisor and we are from DSMP school”


	2. boring introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little boring because introductions LOL, i only introduced dsmp people because it made the most sense? if youre reading this you probably already know them all so whatever fight me 
> 
> Im working on the next chapter literally right now i promise itll be FUN.
> 
> anyways enjoy

Again, the whole gym was silent until out of nowhere Hinata jumped out and put his hand out to Sam who shook it and smiled. “My name is Hinata Shouyou, I can jump really high” 

“Yeah bitch? my man ranboo here also has very bendy knees” Tommy grinned as he put a hand on Ranboo’s shoulder and nudged him a bit with his foot.

“Tommy don’t be rude” A girl scolded him from the back of the group and a bunch of other people nodded and hummed in agreement.

“Whatever” He mumbled as he turned to the three schools “HELLO GUYS I AM TOMMY FEEL FREE TO CALL ME BIG MAN, HUGE MAN IF YOU MUST” He nodded at them and stood next to sam as if he was a sort of bodyguard. 

“I guess I'll introduce these guys, yeah?” Sam turned to look at the group that looked like neon stopping cones. “I'll call your names and you walk over to our side of the court” 

“The one with the white face mask is Dream, he's the captain and our best defense along with Sapnap whos our libero” A guy with black hair and a white bandana came out from the group and they walked over to their side of court, they were having a stare down with Kuroo who yelped when Kenma elbowed him on the side.

“Wilbur, and Techno are wing spikers, so are Quackity and Karl, you know depending on who's in and all that.” beanie, pink braid followed Dream and Sapnap, another guy with a beanie and a guy who had his nails painted as blinding as the uniforms.

“Tubbo is a setter in training, so we usually put in George, the one with the gog- goggles” Sam dragged out the S as he looked around and found George already on court with Dream and Sapnap. How he got across everyone without anyone noticing? That's a secret no one will ever find out.

“Right, anyways, the tall ones, Ranboo and Tommy, they don't need introducing, they're blockers, careful for the blonde one bites”

“Oh we have one of those” Sugawara pointed at Tanaka who was having a stare down with techno.

(Techno won)

“Puffy and Niki are managers and foolish over here is our water boy for a month as a punishment”

“Yeah foolish tell em what you did” tommy and tubbo cheered while ranboo clapped dramatically

“I electrocuted my classmates” Foolish looked at his shuffling feet and would have looked innocent if it wasn't for the smile on his face. “On purpose” 

“Um well, it it makes you feel any better we once found Akaashi and Kenma in the vents” Bokuto laughed and looked at the ceiling threateningly

“You only found us because Kenma sneezed and the ceiling tiles fell off” Akaashi also looked at the ceiling, and if looks could kill, that ceiling would have probably disintegrated. 

“Talking about old, where is father philza” Wilbur looked around before looking up at the ceiling, probably trying to figure out how to get up there. 

“The coaches will be here soon but for now how about we play some volleyball?” Daichi threw a ball at George who stood limply and let it hit him. “Dude, seriously?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i update whenever because i am a busy person by that i mean i have over 24 hours worth of streams to catch up on so


	3. pretty privilege

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah twice in one day?? crazy !!! now watch me fucking not update for like a month LMAO

While everyone was warming up, doing stretches on the floor, tubbo just laid there on the floor, one hand flopping around trying to grab ranboo’s attention

“Hey, ranboo my beloved?” he said, as his hand finally latched onto someone

“Tubbo you are very clingy, even when trying to get your freakishly tall husband you always come back to me, let's skip this training camp shit and watch moana, leave ranboo here to suffer alone, we can bring your ugly child and that short guy over there” Tommy rambled on and pointed at nishinoya

“Don’t call my child ugly, i'll fuck you up” Tubbo sat up and hugged michael close to his chest.

“Where did he even come from I swear he wasn't here a second ago” Tommy looked around and scowled at the piglin plush

“It's parental powers tommy” Ranboo said from behind him, playing with single ear michael had

Tommy shrieked and caused a few people to look at them. “WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS JUST IN TUBBOS HANDS WHERE DID YOU BOTH EVEN COME FROM”

A whistle blew nearby signaling that the Fukurodani vs Nekoma match began.

“Hey guys can we play you before seijoh comes?” Daichi yelled towards DSMP. Tommy was getting ready to yell something back, probably tell them to fuck off but he stopped himself when sunlught from the door opening shone in. Really the uniforms were blinding enough they dont need more light,,

“Actually. We will be playing them” A voice came from the entrance and in stepped oikawa in all his glory beauty grace and anime face

Silence. 

The ball dropped to the ground. (On Fukurodani’s court)

“How did he hear me from outside?” Daichi whispered to Asahi who only shrugged in return.

“That was hella dramatic and I loved it, can you do it again? Try standing in front of the door with the sunlight though and maybe-” the guy named Wilbur had a huge grin on his face and genuinely looked excited until he got elbowed in the stomach by Tommy.

“Shut it big man you're embarrassing us in front of one of the best players in the country” 

“Aww is wilby embarrassing his little brother?”

“Wilbur you should be glad we are in a public place surrounded by people or I would have beaten the shit out of you by now”

The two argued back and forth as everyone awkwardly shuffled their feet and tried to ignore the several amount of threats. Oikawa shrugged and took one for the team (teams?)

“Yeah we’ll play you” he squeaked as wilbur got tackled by tommy who was now growling

In the end, the first games were Fukurodani vs. Nekoma, Seijoh vs DSMP, and Karasuno played with extra players from other teams, which included George, Quackity and Karl 

The DSMP lineup consisted of Dream, Sapnap, Wilbur, Techno, Tubbo, Tommy and Ranboo. George usually played in place of tubbo but he said something about not liking Oikawa.

“Battle of the pretty privilege” Ranboo whispered in thought

“But ranboo my beloved you're here too, be safe out there in battle” Tubbo whispered back

“He’s fucking lying to you ranboo i think youre ugly, like your son” Tommy joined in the little whisper huddle and pointed a finger accusingly at Michael who was sitting in puffy’s lap on the bench.

“I'm fine with you insulting Ranboo but michael is where i draw the line” Tubbo glared at his best friend who laughed at ranboos sputters

“Guys get on the court, we’re starting soon” Dream said and threw a ball at the three which had michael taped on it “Also please put your kid somewhere safe, Sam took him from puffy and foolish tried putting him inside a water bottle

Tommy made a weird noise and grabbed Michael, holding him in one arm and patting his head. “THAT BITCH TRIED DROWNING MY NEPHEW DON'T WORRY MICHAEL, UNCLE TOMMY WILL AVENGE YOU BY BLOCKING SO MANY BALLS” He waved michael around and shoved him in ranboos hands who just stared dumbfounded at him. 

“Don’t bring it up hes going to deny it” Tubbo sighed and followed tommy into the court

Hanamaki and matsukawa walked up to ranboo and stared at michael.    
  


“Im going to be honest, we were eavesdropping the whole time and i cant help but be intrigued by your friends, whats your school address and what are the requirements to get in” Hanamaki said as he leaned on ranboo and pat michaels head

That was a question he was not expecting, he stood there, still frozen and all that came out of him mouth was “block game pog” before tubbo came back up to him and pushed him onto court, taking michael god knows where, probably the vents in the ceiling to be honest.

The whistle blew and Ranboo stood in front of a short guy (compared to him) with spiky hair. He glanced over at tommy who nodded in a way that didnt make him look suspicious but they understood each others signals. 

“So.. what are you doing after the game?” Ranboo whispered at iwaizumi who blinked at him and missed the set that oikawa had thrown at him

Yes this was going to be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants me to add anu characters od let me knw i will sconsider it :)


	4. theres two of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short but if youre a mcyt stan so are you LOLLL/lh
> 
> anyways should i continue this or not i could do like a whole training camp thing idk please thoughts

The whistle blew after the ball hit the floor with a loud thud. 

“Iwa we talked about the game plan before coming here. That set was for you, what could have possibly distracted you. I'm literally behind you” oikawa whined and waved his arms around in a dramatic way as he talked.

“He- the- h-he the tall one with the grey eyes” Iwaizumi stuttered but he in no way looked flustered, annoyed? Confused? Maybe, but in no way flustered. Tommy didn't pick that up

“HA BITCH, ranboo i am so sorry, i take it all back, you sir are very attractive but only when it's convenient to me” Tommy laughed and pointed before furrowing his eyebrows and running a hand through his hair. “Why haven't i started doing it too, i could get the other team’s girls to marry me and then they could cheer for our team”

Iwaizumi shook his head and pointed at Ranboo and Oikawa. “There's two of them. Why are there two of them” 

“Guys you do realize the point of training camp is to play volleyball right?”

Everyone turned to DSMP’s side where Phil was standing with seijoh’s coach. “Now now what's going on here”

“The girls are fighting” Techno whispered and got a high five from dream

“Sorry, we’ll get back into it father philza” Tommy said as he served the ball which oikawa had completely ignored and started talking to iwaizumi again “ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD SERVE”

“No hold on I want to know what you mean by there is two of us, my hair is clearly better” Oikawa looked back between Ranboo, who was patting Tommy’s head stiffly trying to calm him down, to iwaizumi, who was just standing there with a bored expression on his face.

“He asked me what I was doing after the game and WINKED, does that sound a little familiar to you”

Those on Seijoh's side and a few others who were eavesdropping all said “ohhh” in realization.

“Iwa, I've trained you against the charms of attractive people. What does he have that I don't” Oikawa was now on the DSMP side lifting Ranboo’s arms, bending his wrists in a very unnatural way. Oikawa then stared right into his eyes, squinting a bit as if trying to find something before Tubbo placed a hand on his arm and pulled him away

“A husband that's what, platonic of course, goes without saying, but still claimed. We also have a son”

Oikawa simply frowned before going back to his side of the net “Yeah no, now I definitely don't see the similarities, iwa, we must go to the doctor and get your brain checked because you are seeing things”

“Ok guys, please continue your match. Ranboo stop flirting with the opposing team” Phil sighed and walked back out of the gym 

As soon as he was out, Tommy shook his head and mouthed a  _ don't listen to him  _ and grinned with a thumbs up.

The match continued and Seijoh was in the lead for most of it until Tubbo started signaling his sets with nicknames such as “ghostbur, my beloved, child (much to Tommy’s displeasure) blade”, and so on

Halfway through the match, when sapnap moved to let one of the serves out, he had cleared a path directly to quackity and karl, who both got hit by the ball as they were cheering.

In the end, DSMP lost. They could have won if it wasn't for Tommy purposefully trying to block every single ball, even when others had it. He was going on and on about  _ revenge for Michael _ and being a big man.

The other matches had ended as well and now the captains were going to play rock paper scissors to decide who would be playing who.

(Dream was going to pick finger gun)

EXTRAS:

Tubbo had never played a whole game without having george there as back up, so to say the least, he was exhausted and thirsty.

He was struggling to catch his breath while Ranboo fanned both of them using michael.

“Why are you using your son as a fan” Foolish came up to them and laughed at the boys on the floor.

“Shut it waterboy bring me and my husband your finest bottle” Tubbo pat Foolish’s shoes and waved him away

“You're both minors”

“THAT'S NEVER STOPPED M-” tubbo started yelling until ranboo covered his mouth and shoved michael in his face.

“Water. Foolish. Please” Ranboo gave him a pained smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love women


	5. after practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quackitys lore stream was so cool me thinks

The rest of the day surprisingly went by smoothly and with less distractions as everyone got more and more tired. Ranboo and Oikawa found themselves in multiple stare downs throughout several games but neither of them said a word.

Currently being in Nekoma school, the schools split off into different rooms where they would sleep for the next week. Currently, Tubbo and Ranboo were placing their futons and Tommy’s next to each other (away from Techno, he kicks in his sleep) when all of the sudden Tommy came running in

“BOYS I FOUND A BUNCH OF BABY CORPSES IN THE BATHROOM” Tommy was panting and bent over, shaking his head and trying to grab onto Tubbo’s shoulder who was now standing worriedly next to him

“What do you mean baby corpses, tommy lead us there” Techno pulled his sword out of nowhere, ignoring Quackity’s yelp and Wilbur’s groans as he followed his brothers out of the comfort of blankets

Tommy slowed down as he approached a door that was slightly ajar and pushed Ranboo forward who rolled his eyes in return and turned on the light

He screamed and jumped back, causing everyone to also scream and for Techno to drop his sword and for Tommy to shriek

“Kidding, it's just those baby robots, this isn't the bathroom it's like a life education class or something” Ranboo laughed and got kicked with the butt of technos sword as everyone entered the classroom and looked around

Tommy found a cabinet filled with candy and was passing it out when suddenly Tubbo gasped and ran towards the shelf of the possessed bitches... I mean, the babies..

“Ranboo! Now we can have an actual son, ohh little michael plush could be like.. Like an american girl doll ! oh this is going to be so much fun how does it work” Tubbo excitedly took one of the babies and a bag next to it, shoving it into Ranboo’s hands and trying to figure out how to turn the baby

“I hate this already”

“Tubbo that thing cries”

“It also shits”

Wilbur, Techno and Tommy were throwing complaints and looking at the shorter boy who was clearly not paying attention and also clearly not holding the baby in a safe way. 

“Why is no one more worried that he's stealing school property” 

All five boys turned around to see Kenma and Akaashi standing behind them, looking back and forth between the sword and the baby

“It’s fine, my husband will pay for it, my beloved handed them a block of gold each” Tubbo now had his hand inside the baby and it began making weird gurgling noises. 

Akaashi took the child from him and turned it around to open the shirt it had on, revealing the little switch it had. “I don’t take whatever currency that is but, how about you dont snitch we don't snitch.” He smiled as he handed the baby to Techno who held it upside down by the foot

“We’re playing animal crossing in the vents” Kenma muttered and looked away

“You're roleplaying in the vents?” Wilbur tilted his head in confusion

The other boys flushed as Tommy burst out laughing. “No, we’re playing on the switch, now if you excuse us Shouyou is waiting for us” Kenma shot them a glare and left with Akaashi behind him, sending them a small wave as they climbed onto the window and crawled into an opening in the wall.

Just as they had closed the vents, Kuroo turned the corner and grinned when he saw the boys still recovering in the hallway. “Have you guys seen a short guy with pudding hair followed by a really attractive guy”

“Yes, but george wasnt following him”

“Wilbur, he's talking about Akaashi”

“Ah, right, oh no we haven't seen them”

“You fuckheads we promised not to snitch” Tommy rolled his eyes and looked at Tubbo and Ranboo with a look that yelled  _ can you believe these guys? _

Kuroo took the baby from techno, causing all of them to gasp. “Tell me where they are or the baby gets it” 

“Ah great now you've set the parents off” Techno said and walked away with wilbur hot on his trail asking him if he wanted to do improv with jack manifold

Ranboo and Tubbo were yelling at Kuroo something about war, fireworks and chicken which quite frankly was starting to annoy Tommy who would much rather be back in the room bothering dream

“They're in the vents, give us back the child” Tommy groaned and snatched Michael before walking in the same direction Wilbur and techno went. 

If anyone heard screams echo throughout the schools out of the vents, nobody was surprised. 

EXTRA:

Tubbo had placed his futon in between Tommy and Ranboo. Well he would have been in the middle if it wasn't for the futon he had also placed for michael in between him and Ranboo, despite the protests of Dream telling him the robot didn’t need a whole futon.

The room was quiet, you could hear George’s light snores and the way karl mumbled in his sleep along with Quackity’s groans as he kept getting kicked by Sapnap who moved around a lot in his sleep. 

It was peaceful really, they were going to have a good night sleep and it was going to be good.

Until the baby started crying.

After the war happened, everyone had learned not to sleep too lightly or else they would wake up to bombs of flour in their room, oil on the floor, or getting their haircut in the middle of the night. 

Everyone shot up and reached for their swords who weren’t there, before they realized where they were. Tubbo had Michael in his arms trying to get him to quiet down before Tommy shot up annoyed and turned him off with the switch but by then it was too late, everyone was awake and looking at Tubbo who only smiled and waved.

“Why did I have to choose the self defense school with prank wars and fencing classes” George groaned loudly and punched Dream in the arm before laying back down 

“Tubbo what the fuck is that and why did it make those sounds” Quackity’s beanie was lopsided and he was leaninf on sapnap who had fallen asleep sitting up

“It's a baby what did you expect? Michael has his needs” Tubbo whispered and flipped Michael back on who was now just making happy baby noises. 

“Petition to kick him and his child out” Karl lifted a hand and so did everyone else who was still conscious

“You can't do that, I have a child, Ranboo my beloved defend me and your chi- YOU’RE SLEEPING??” 

“Sorry tubbo, it's either us or Michael” techno said in a way that sounded a bit. evil

“Someone tell boo i’ll be in the empty wing of school” Tubbo frowned and grabbed his bag before stomping out

It was all silent again until wilbur started waving $5 around “who wants to bet that he’ll be back in 15 minutes to wake the enderman up”

Dream, Quackity and Foolish placed their bets but in the end no one really knew who won since they all fell back asleep. 

Yup. Ranboo slept through all of it 


End file.
